Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Ring before Spring

One of the most obnoxious aspects about going to a Christian university is the obsession with "a ring before spring". Marriage and relationships seem to be on the minds of almost every student. Especially among the females. From winter break to now, I feel like all I have heard about is the subject of matrimony. Talk has been all about who got married, who is getting married, color schemes, dresses, the reception and most of all... the wedding night.

A while back I concluded that many Christian students get married quickly with sex on their mind. They are impatient to hop in bed, but have moral standards screwing that purity ring tighter and tighter. It's not the moral of abstinence before marriage that is the problem, though. The problem is the fact that there is so much pressure to keep that moral obligation that I feel as though many rush into marriage quickly. But, this is not about the sex. This is about the fact that I am utterly stunned at how so many students can be so wrapped around this one, single idea and hope for it to all happen so soon.

I think what may stun me the most about the idea is that so many of the people around me talk about their hopes for marriage, the wedding itself, a family and their sex life with their future life partner, and I am the one out of most of them that is the closest to even, maybe, possibly coming close to marriage in the next few, plus some more, years. What it comes down to is this: I can handle all the talk about weddings, but it's the anticipation that these kids have about marriage. These people are hoping to be married by the time that they are 21 or 22 and do not seem too worried about the growing up part... or the not ever having been in a relationship part.

I am okay with the fact that I have no idea what dress I want or what colors or where I want the wedding, the reception or the honey moon. And, it's not a bad thing to know those things. I will admit, it's fun to hear people's elaborate details they have thought out (especially when the ideas that some people have are absolutely-out-of-this-world ridiculously absurd-- yet so perfect for who they are). But, it's better to also know who you are, what you want in a relationship and what a healthy marriage is before you get too wrapped up in the, yes I will say it, petty details.

In response to the movie Bride Wars one girl said, "That is so sad because your wedding is supposed to be, like, the happiest day of your life. And they are ruining it for each other." And to that I say:
In terms of the movie: it's sad that a movie is based on the destruction of a friendship because of one day in the two characters' lives, and we pay to go watch it for entertainment.
In terms of the wedding: I hope your wedding is beautiful and memorable, but I also hope that it does not consume you. I hope that your "happiest day" can easily be beat out by your children being born or your time when you are apart of your family or when the day is not fully about you.


Caitlin said...

Amen. Even though I admit to being wedding obsessed (blame Allison), I feel like so many of my peers rushed things way too soon. It's so ridiculous really. Even though one of my new years resolutions was to fall in love, I don't even have that much of a desire anymore to find a boy, much less marry one. We're so young, and there is so much to be done. So much to see, and do. It would be foolish for us to lock ourselves into an immature marriage instead of living our twenties to the fullest.

Liz said...

ohhhh natalie. you are too great.